so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
