You're my little dorito
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
