i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
