Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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