Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
