I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
