I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
