Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
