Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Who wears a wallet chain?!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
my poor anus
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
