At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
