I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
