its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
