Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
