My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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