She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
