I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Can Purell be used as lube?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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