Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
