3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
