Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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