sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
