Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
