I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize