At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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