i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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