I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
