is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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