shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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