i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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