You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
