allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
