The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
