I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
