Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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