soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
