He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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