Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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