stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
