He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
