I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize