I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
