I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
