but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
