Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
