I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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