I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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