I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
