Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
