I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
