I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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