he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You need a sexual gate keeper
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm sobbing to NWA
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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