How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
