he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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