wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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