Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
