...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
