I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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