There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
