there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
