dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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