And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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